forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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