Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
