Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
