well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
