How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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