And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
