He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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