Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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