Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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