I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
