So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
