it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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