We're facebook friends in real life
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
