This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't deserve a penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
