After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
