Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
