yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
