you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
