I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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