You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
