If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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