i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
