I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
