Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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