I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
