I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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