i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
