and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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