Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
