do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
