I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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