Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
