Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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