guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
