Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
