even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
