if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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