Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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