I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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