did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
