What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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