My liver just broke up with me...
he shaved USA in his pubs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
