Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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