When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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