Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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