Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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