he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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