i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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