I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
