3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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